R eader Ram writes the V-Spot:
Hi. I don’t write in to anywhere but you seemed to be trying to solicit responses, so here you go. I’ve been picking [the Valley Advocate] up for a while just to do the crossword in it. However, I read your article once and have to say, I’m hooked. It’s now the first thing I read. Good, smart, honest writing.
So here’s what you can address for me. I’m a 60-year-old male. I’m married, love having sex and have no trouble with erections, but every year the orgasms get less and less intense. It’s probably all part of the aging process, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Any way to correct or slow down the orgasm-feeling decline? (I’m not ready to go back to getting high just to see if that’ll make it better. In my 20s the best orgasms ever were after smoking a joint).
Thank you for the ever-pleasurable stroking of my ego. Now, I’d love to give you a few pleasurable strokes of your own. First, the fact that you’re a 60-year-old married dude who still enjoys having erection-packed sex (with his wife, presumably) puts you ahead of the sexual senior-citizen pack. Yay!
Your waning orgasmic intensity could be mental, physical or both. Physically, age weakens the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles that line the bottom of your pelvic floor and are key for erections and orgasmic pleasure. Pump that pelvic iron with PC exercises!
First, locate your PC muscles by contracting them to stop your urine stream mid-pee. Then, isolate and contract these muscles when sitting down (don’t pee!). This should feel like an inner lifting and tightening, not like holding your breath or clenching your tummy or butt cheeks. Hold your contractions for 10 seconds and try 10 repetitions. Progress to longer holds and more repetitions and try doing them standing up. If you do them religiously, you can notice a difference in three to six months.
We sex-positive folks often harp on (heterosexual) men to be less selfish lovers. But sometimes this pressure to delay or decrease male sensation for the sake of female pleasure can really hinder the male sexual experience. This was once described to me as “the plague of the sensitive, new-age guy.” Boo-hoo.
Dodge the self-centered jerk bullet by communicating to your partner about your flailing pleasure and (temporarily) return to the basics that physically and mentally simulate you the most. Be specific with your partner about what brings you optimal pleasure. Don’t rely solely on old faithful tricks, but rather embrace the changes in your mind and body and experiment with things that may get your rocks off like they never got off before.
May I suggest taking the road less traveled to Pleasure Peak? Like the back way? The Aneros, stainless steel Njoy Pure Plugs, and the Lelo Bob are all sleek, manly-looking anal toys specifically designed to pleasure your prostate, which often results in explosive male orgasms. Whoever said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks has clearly never had a prostate-induced orgasm and should shove a... sock... in it. Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin can lead the way.
Unfortunately, I can’t prescribe a joint a day to keep the bad orgasms away. Official research on the effects of sleeping with Mary Jane is shoddy, but recent findings aren’t promising. Apparently, smoking pot can increase your body’s prolactin production which directly decreases testosterone—you know, that pretty important hormone for erections, orgasms and ejaculation.
Finally, older people are often quick to jump to the “I’m old” excuse when it comes to sexual issues. Sure, an aging body will run into more sexual complications than a young whippersnapper’s, but we’re all negatively affected, orgasmically, by ailments like stress, prescription drugs and relational strife. The above suggestions can help physically, but if this is actually an emotional issue with your partner, seek out professional advice. Also read The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Douglas Abrams and Mantak Chia and the age-appropriate Better Than I Ever Expected by Joan Price and you’ll be pleasurably ramming your way to Mt. O’s summit in no time. See you up there.•