Nobody likes a liar. This is probably why many people hate porn—though rare, truthful porn does exist.
As I've said before in a past column ("Feminist Porn," May 5, 2011), there is good, positive porn to be had. You just have to know how to sift through the bullshit to get to it. Here are seven lies porn tells us that not only skew our view of what sex is, but hurt our self-esteem when we can't all perform like porn stars.
1. The only good penis is a big penis and delaying male orgasm is a snap. The manly member's performance depends on a complicated balance of physical fitness, energy and hormones. Male porn stars are practiced professionals—sometimes equipped with "fluffers" to physically assist in keeping things "up" off-stage and aided by stop-and-start filming and splicing.
Size-wise, visual tricks like shaving one's pubes and camera angles can enlarge things. Realistically, penis sizes vary wildly and good sex is generally defined by technique and mental and physical stimulation, not by a number on a tape measure. Staying up all night, so to speak, takes time and practice—for tips, check out Richard and Dianna Daffner's Tantric Sex for Busy Couples.
2. Women easily orgasm from penile penetration alone. I've said it before and I'll say it again—only 35 percent of women can orgasm this way. The rest require clitoral stimulation, and lots of it; the average woman's bomb takes 15-40 minutes to explode. Don't rush us!
3. You don't need lube for anal sex. Just bend over and go! If this is truly what porn stars are doing, they're great actors, because this would not feel as good as they make it look. A-holes don't self-lubricate. They're delicate. They require lots of lube and (initially) slow-loving. Yes, anal-magicians like porn vet Belladonna can easily put some junk in her trunk, but even she, like many other porn stars, lube up off stage, off camera, pre-shoot. You should, too. Sassy Sliquid Booty Formula is still my favorite.
4. All lesbians are high-femme and love pink dildos. There are lots of different kinds of lesbians that have lots of different kinds of sex. They don't always involve toys, penetration or anything resembling a penis. Sorry, guys.
5. Racial stereotypes are played out in the bedroom, especially in bi-racial sexual scenarios. We've all seen racist titles involving destructive stereotypes like wild, well-endowed black men, Latina hotel maids and Asian school girls. Though these are hard to even type about, there is, sadly, a big market for this fetishized bigotry. That doesn't mean you need to buy into it. One's ethnicity does not dictate the kinds of sex they enjoy or with whom they enjoy it. Good Vibrations' well-screened selection of porn featuring people-of-color that doesn't subscribe to stereotypes.
6. Visually pleasing positions are also physically pleasing. Sure, getting steamy in the shower while wearing stilettos with your leg above your head may look hot on film, but for the regular romper, putting one's leg anywhere above the belt certainly won't feel hot. You don't need to be a human pretzel to experiment with good-looking, good-feeling positions. Save your stiletto money, investing instead in Liberator Shapes that boost your bod while supporting you better than a shower rod.
7. People who have hot sex that's worth watching are built like Barbies and Kens, complete with no pubic hair. Pubic hair is real, people. Deal with it. Whether that means trimming, waxing or sprinkling Miracle Gro on it, the possibilities and personal choices are endless. Just because Mr. Ron Jeremy enjoys the prepubescent look doesn't mean everyone does. And everyone does not.
Similarly, not everyone has or wants body-altering surgery. The amount of silicone in XXX-land is a bummer. Curve-lovers will appreciate plus-sized porn star hotties like April Flores, and those looking for more variety than Mattel has to offer can find a happy medium in pornos mentioned in the sources above.
It just feels better to skip the "liar, liar" part and go straight to "pants on fire." Have the bailiff swear you in, because you're gettin' off on the truth!