Leisure

Your Penis: The Long and Short of It

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Tuesday, April 02, 2013

 

As someone who’s sold sex toys to all kinds of people, I’ve learned one thing for sure: size matters.

Size is definitely a top-three priority for those considering what’s going to feel best inside their vagina/butt/mouth. Sex toy store customers constantly hold dildo floor models side by side to assess their potential dirty damage, request tape measures, and search for inches and circumferences on a toy’s packaging.

If size matters this much when we’re given a choice, it probably also matters when we aren’t. Chances are a new partner might just be bummed out upon first discovering that your ding-a-ling isn’t as ding-a-long as they were hoping. The good news is, on the flip side, someone’s cervix might shrivel up and die at the sight of a super-long schlong.

The point is—though we can sympathize that not all penises can be strapped on according to desired size—let’s stop pretending that we don’t all have size preferences. But fear not, not-so-well- (or too-well-) endowed dudes of the world: both big and little penises have pros and cons. So how might your penis measure up to your partner’s pleasure?

“Big” can mean different things in terms of length and girth. While a long John Silver might look impressive, without girth some people may still feel that their glass is left half-empty. Otherwise, an average-lengthed penis can appear extra-impressive if it’s bigger ‘round the middle.

Though the pros of being blessed with a biggie are assumed to be “obvious,” they don’t necessarily work for everyone.

Why bigger is better:

? Even if you’re more “experienced”, you might just feel “young” again.

? You can enjoy deeper penetration and harder-to-reach positions like lying on your stomach, standing against a wall and other contortionist fun.

? You can pat yourself on the back (or front) afterward for hard work well done.

? Longer thrusts mean more continuous pleasure.

? You can pretend to be porn stars.

Why bigger is blah:

? If, like me, you’re moved to simultaneously cry and throw plates when your cervix is jabbed, you may go through a lot of tissues and/or dishes. Also, ouch.

? Faster penetration and/or doggie style might be too intense to enjoy. (ie., get the Kleenex, hide the china).

? Your sweetie might rest on his big-dicked haunches in the other sexual arenas, resulting in lower-quality foreplay and lack of attention to essential details like clitoral stimulation, smooching or dirty talk.

? No matter your efforts, your blow jobs will just never look good enough against that backdrop.

? Your well-hung honey might just be a little too... cocky.

? More modest men need to pay closer attention to their technique, positioning and angle to really maximize what their mamas gave ‘em. This can result in more dynamic lovers, considerate conversation and orgasms for you! Also, let’s take solace in the reality check that the average adult penis is 5.5-6.2 inches long and 4-5 inches in circumference when erect. I’ve eaten hotdogs bigger than that.

The pros of the penile-petite:

? Deep-throating is a snap!

? Shorter thrusts (especially with the head of the penis positioned within 2 inches of the vaginal opening) are perfect for G-Spot stimulation.

? Anal sex—not so scary anymore.

? Your vagina/booty/mouth may find itself with more stamina on the receiving end so you can have sex for longer.

? The bed is one place a Napoleon complex might just be welcome.

? You’ve got the perfect excuse to use sex toys in the sack.

? Your boyfriend’s little dick probably has a great... personality.

The cons of being compact:

? While a bigger penis can be downplayed, there aren’t many good tricks to pump up the puny.

? Hitting a good rhythm is hard when he keeps slipping out.

? When attempting dirty talk, you might tell him how badly you want him inside you. And he might already be. And you can’t take it back. And then it’s awkward.

In the end, it wasn’t the size of the glass slipper that got Cinderella her Prince Charming, it was how it fit. The truly perfectly-sized penis is whatever feels best to you because the size of the orgasm. Now that really matters.•

 

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