Your Vagina and You

Comments (4)
Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Seriously, now, your vagina is designed to be a well-oiled machine. So why are you trying to get rid of the oil?

Vaginal secretions keep your vagina clean and healthy, like the saliva in your mouth. The vagina is lined with acidic bacteria that kills bad vaginal Karma, expels nasty intruders and, when healthy, maintains the perfect pH balance your best lady friend needs to function.

When you’re healthy, your jamba juice should be clear and thin, though some people’s discharge is a little thicker than thinner or may have a slightly yellowish tint (or, just before your period, brownish). It should have a mild, vagina-ish odor. Though no one feels vaginally fresh-to-death every single day, your smell should be pretty consistent and familiar to you. Leaving a snail-trail in the crotch of your panties? Totally normal.

Anything that resembles stanky, ranky cottage cheese is no good. This always indicates that something’s wrong, whether it be a yeast infection, STD or allergy to a product you’re using. Don’t worry, though—your gynecologist has seen it all, so don’t hesitate to get checked out if you feel like you could add fruit to your panties and serve them for breakfast.

Other than this, having a scent to your slippery stuff is totally normal and okay. So stop trying to cover it up. Your pussy knows what she’s doing. Putting anything scented or flavored in/on/around your vagina usually just causes more problems than it solves, so don’t be a douchebag. Scarleteen.com reports that people who douche once a month are 40 percent more likely to acquire a vaginal infection. Not only do the harsh chemicals in douche products and scented tampons throw off your natural pH balance; they can actually increase your risk of HIV/STD transmission and cervical cancer because the irritation they cause can tear your sensitive vaginal tissues.

Flavored lubes tend to be extra heavy on the glycerin and sugar, two ingredients that spark yeast infections in most women and dry out your natural slide. Plus, if I want to eat a vagina, I want to eat a vagina, not a “strawberry cheesecake” sugary chemical bomb. If you’ve got a hankering for chocolate cake, wouldn’t you be really bummed out if it ended up tasting like Key lime pie? I sure would.

Speaking of lube, stop using your natural vaginal lubrication as a lustometer. It’s perfectly normal to feel a wet spot forming in your undies when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store—this is just your vagina keepin’ it clean. However, it’s frustrating to find yourself desert-dry when you’re actually feeling turned on during sex with your partner later. Just because you’re not soaking wet doesn’t mean you suddenly aren’t attracted to your sweetie. This is what bottled lubricants are for, after all. Just keep the glycerin and parabens off your ingredient list.

Your diet, exercise and sleep patterns can have everything to do with how moist you are in the moment. Avoiding salt, sugar, caffeine and alcohol can sure take the fun out of eating out at a restaurant, but can assure that you’re ready to slip and slide when you’re putting out later. Eating a consistent amount of fresh garlic, acidophilus (found in sugar-free yogurt or in supplemental pill form) and drinking plenty of water can help maintain a natural balance to your body butter.

Bottom line—forget those Fresh Rain “feminine sprays.” Your vagina’s rain is already fresh, and whether or not your particular feminine friend can spray—well, that’s a topic for an entirely different column.

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As a professed pussy lover, I have to say that this article hardly makes me want to call up my ex and put my face between her legs! When you call it "salsa," and "vaginal discharge," and use words such as "acidic bacteria" and "nasty intruders," it's no wonder that men everywhere are looking for a get-out-of-jail-free card! Now, I confess that I don't know much about "blow jobs," but back in the days before I realized that it was more than just the smell of them (and all of that hair...everywhere) that made me un-attracted to men, if someone had described semen as a "milky acidic substance that smells sort of bleachy, with a consistency somewhere between snot and hair gel" I would have come to terms with my homosexuality a lot sooner, if you know what I mean.

When they are clean, most vagina's have a mild scent, and the natural lubricant that they produce is warm, smooth, and can have a variety of lovely tastes, from sweet and salty to sour and tart; vagina much more closely resembles my favorite GoBerry flavor than it does a Bueno y Sano fish taco (although I love the fish tacos from Bueno!) As the walls of the vagina contract and expand with arousal, pleasurable textures and contours can be felt, and moisture often increases with arousal. Vagina is a delicacy, and just like many exotic cuisines, it is an acquired taste. And if men hope to get their ladies (or gentleman) anywhere near that bleachy squirt gun and chicken-skin ball sack, it's a taste that I suggest they acquire.


Posted by GreyGirl on 2.20.13 at 8:48

Thank you for encouraging discussion about vaginal discharge.

In our work treating female sexual dysfunction, we often meet women who feel disgusted by their vaginas and feel a real disconnect. For some, this translates into feeling insecure in the bedroom and ashamed of their bodies.

With the right kind of information, more women will not only become more comfortable with their vaginas but appreciate the incredible wonders the vagina has.

Rachel Hercman, LCSW

Medical Center for Female Sexuality, NY

Posted by WomensCenter on 2.22.13 at 11:36

Yes please, and thank you! Yana Tallon-Hicks for getting a good conversation going about vaginal secresions. And THANK YOU GreyGirl, for trying to point to a different angle, and being *slightly* more positive on the food-mataphore - unfortunately, when you put someone else's genitalia in a negative light, your argument got lost for me. What I notice in both, is the continued strangeness I see in the mainstream you both seem to be arguing against. I mean, equating oral sex to food/eating on any level does something bizzare to the actual sensorial adventure that it is to the erogenous nose & mouth, no? Anyone have any thoughts on that?

Posted by spice8ice on 2.26.13 at 9:08

As a guy who has been with over 1,000 women, the only vagina that stinks is the ones that are dirty.. Ie dirty as in un clean or infested with diseases.

Posted by Joppa on 6.22.13 at 12:13



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