Last week gold-plated angels blew diamond-encrusted trumpets to herald the coming of “the greatest jobs president God ever created,” billionaire luxuriating enthusiast Donald Trump.
Reaction was swift: Liberals crowed, conservatives kvetched, and a pool appeared underneath John Stewart’s desk.
At the Advocate, we have a soft spot for the underdog — even one as shaggy as the mutt on Trump’s head. So, here you go, The Donald, a list of running mates that would make you a more likeable presidential candidate.
White House “Gold” Garden
• A book of Chipotle coupons
• Dick Cheney’s cholesterol
• A talking bald eagle
• The ghost from Poltergeist
• The Hamburglar
• Jar-Jar Binks
• A ventriloquist dummy named
Howdy Hedge Fund
• Lord Voldemort
• Cornel West
• John McCain’s spine circa 2008
• Henry Rollins
• An emu
