If you’re a loyal reader (and you should be), you know that I recently wrote a column that asked the ever-important anal sex question, “Why the avoidance, bros?”
I then systematically listed and destroyed the pesky barriers to male anal sex and prostate stimulation, squashing rumors that prostate play (and therefore anal sex) is inherently “dirty,” “painful,” or will somehow magically change your sexual orientation from straight to gay.
For those of you behind on the behind-sex talk, the prostate is a soft, walnut-shaped orgasm turbo-switch surrounding the male body’s urethra just below the bladder. It’s located at the bulb of the penis where the shaft connects to the body, behind the pubic bone. The prostate is not actually in the rectum, but it can be felt through the rectum’s front wall, so it’s easiest reached via anal penetration. When a man is turned on, the prostate (also known as the P-Spot or the Male G-Spot) swells with fluid which is then expelled during ejaculation. More importantly, prostate stimulation leads to simply killer male orgasms.
Now, here’s how to get yours:
Boost your booty confidence by getting squeaky clean: take a shower. Gently clean the very inside of the rectum with a soapy finger. Trim your butt hairs. Seriously. It’s cleaner and will nix the painful pulling.
Anal sex is not vaginal sex. Obvious, yes? So, why are so many people bum-rushing the booty as if it were as self-lubricating and elastic as its forward-facing friend? Slow your roll. Heat up with your favorite foreplay like steamy make-outs, a blowjob, go down on your girlfriend for a while. The more turned on you are, the more relaxed and receptive to pleasure your nervous asshole will be.
Stock your bedside table with thicker, water-based lubes. Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula or Good Clean Love’s organic gel are thicker lubes that add more cushion to your pushin’ and stay put longer. No one’s anus self-lubricates, so lube is essential. Get some latex gloves for your partner — it’s a good safer sex practice and latex is much smoother than jagged fingernails.
Start penetration exploration with fingers or small anal-safe plugs or dildos. As Dr. Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian put it in their must-read book, The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, your search for the prostate is like finding “a plum buried halfway down into the sand.” Find your juicy fruit by gently pressing against the front wall of the rectum just behind the base of the penis, about 3 inches inside the body, either with the pads of your fingers or the bulbous curve of your chosen toy.
Introduce yourself to the P-Spot politely and slowly. Start stroking the prostate with the popular press-and-drag motion. Much like the G-Spot, the prostate responds to pressure, curved shapes and a hooked stroking motion. “Different strokes for different folks” doesn’t ring any truer than it does with sex. If your partner is helping, he or she should experiment, ask questions, and follow your feedback.
Always use sex toys that are made of non-porous materials. Silicone, stainless steel or TPR plastic are all okay. Make sure they have a flared base to prevent toys from getting “lost” in your rectum. You may think that your grip is good, but your sphincter muscles’ grip is better. I promise.
Try one of the many beginner’s prostate toys out there. Opt for one that’s svelte, smooth and has a bulbous curve to hit the prostate just right. Plugs like the Lelo Bob and the nJoy stainless steel Pure Plug or curved dildos like the Jezebel by Vamp are aesthetically and anatomically pleasing. Using plenty of lube, aim your toy’s curve towards the belly button and rock it in a way that drags the head of the toy across the prostate.
Finally, your prostate pleasure is only as good as your mindset. What do our buttholes do when we’re scared? They tighten right up. So, keep your introduction to anal sex calm, comfortable, and open-minded and you’re sure to open up in other ways, too.•
