After how many months of no symptoms can one safely assume he or she is free of sexually transmitted diseases?
I’m in a monogamous relationship right now with someone who’s just as healthy as I am, and we’re wondering how long until we can be reasonably sure we won’t pass each other anything. My partner is an excessively careful person. We’ve been in a committed relationship for about five months and my partner uses an IUD. We are safe to forgo condoms, correct?
I’m so happy that you and your partner are actively discussing your sexual health and negotiating your safer sex approach. But why be “reasonably sure” when you can just be “sure” about your sexual health status?
The only way for you to be “sure” is for you and your partner to get an STD/STI (sexually transmitted disease/sexually transmitted infection) screening from your doctor or local sexual health clinic such as Tapestry Health. This is precisely what I encourage you both to do.
I know: easier said than done.
There are so very many reasons why people don’t go through the simple process of getting tested. Mostly it’s fear that holds people back; fear of being judged, of what the results might be, or admitting to their partners there may be cause for concern.
My own recent experience arranging for a routine STI/STD screening reminded me that there’s still plenty of social stigma around STDs and sexual health. Booking my appointment over the phone, I picked up on meaningful pauses and voice intonations that aren’t part of a routine checkup. Shame and fear are closely linked, and the less we normalize getting routine STD/STI screenings, the bigger these fears grow — and the less sexually healthy we all become.
Throw a relatively new relationship on top of all of this, HH, and things get even more convoluted. People make the funny assumption that applying the very term “monogamy” to your relationship will somehow wipe your sexual slate clean. Many wrongly conflate the questions of trust and a reasonable desire for knowledge about our partners’ sexual health: “If you trusted me, you’d trust that I’m ‘clean.’ ”
Sure, you trust that your partners would never knowingly cause you hurt or illness, but what if they simply are unaware of their status? Do you trust their previous partners and their knowledge of their status? Or their previous partners’ partners? Divorce sexual health from trust and, instead, own your personal sexual health and take responsibility for maintaining it.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that nearly 20 million new STD cases are reported annually in the U.S. Of those cases, half occur among people ages 15 to 24 and in most instances, a person who has contracted an STD/STI isn’t aware of the infection, as there may be no obvious symptoms. Sure, some STDs may show up sooner rather than later with classic STD symptoms — burning, itching, funky smells — but often the most life-threatening STD/STIs have delayed or hidden symptoms: HIV and HPV being two incurable examples of these. It’s totally possible for someone to live with an STD/STI for years and have no idea of the risk they pose, no matter how monogamous and trustworthy, no matter how much you love them.
Be sure, not reasonably sure.
Getting tested for STI/STDs should be a normal, routine part of people’s sex lives, as common and accepted as covering your nose when you sneeze. In fact, catching an STD should be no more shameful than catching a cold. No one calls someone with a cold “dirty” or “slutty” (even if they got that cold making out with a beautiful stranger).
You ask me, HH, if you and your partner can go without condoms. Pay a visit to a local health clinic. Get the information you need to make the right safer-sex choices for you. Then answer that question with clear facts.
Besides, nothing says “Baby, I’m into you” more than when a partner will pay for dinner and get blood drawn in the name of keeping you both sexually healthy.•
