Get Into Your Birthday Suit
Happy 2nd Birthday to the V-Spot!
Thanks to a tiny pink laptop, a couple of dildo-slinging jobs, and of course, you wonderful, sexually curious readers, we’ve made it through 104 weekly columns together. Thank you, readers! You came, you conquered, you came again, and I want to keep ’em coming. What better way to do this than give you free sexy gifts, right?
To help celebrate the two-year mark, the all-star, sexylicious companies I’m always raving about have donated to The V-Spot’s 2nd Birthday Giveaway Orgy —I mean Party. And because I heart you all so much, I’m reluctantly giving them all away to you. Enter the drawing and you could get organic lubes from companies like Good Clean Love, Hathor Aphrodisia and Yes (a lube that recently trumped Sassy Booty Formula as my leading lovin’ liquid), porn from feminist directors like Tristan Taormino and the Crash Pad Series, steamy erotica from Cleis Press, and other tingly treats, all of which have been positively reviewed and recommended in past V-Spot columns.
Oh, and a couple of high-end rechargeable vibrators from the luxurious likes of Jimmy Jane (who’s giving away one of my all-time favorites, the Form 2) and Lelo, whose Tor II is one of the only rechargeable vibrating rings out there.
How do you get your, er, hands on these sexy goodies? First, “Like” the V-Spot’s shiny new Facebook page (facebook.com/thevalleyvspot), where you’ll also find more specific information about the giveaway products.
Second, write an anonymous and (hopefully not literally) burning sex question to firstname.lastname@example.org that I’ll answer in a future column. (Legal bullnanny: The company Facebook officially has nothing to do with this.) My favorite entries will then be written on tiny slips of paper and scattered onto a sexy, consenting naked body of my choosing and selected by mouth—or something more probable and sexier than that. You’ve got from now until November 1st to get your act together.
These are adult products, people. You must be 18 or over to win any of them. Your self-entry into the giveaway drawing will be as anonymous as possible —the only people that will know the names, email addresses and maybe faces of those who win are me and one person at the Valley Advocate office who will be physically handing you your goodies. Said goodies have to be picked up by you at the Valley Advocate’s Northampton office and will be packaged in neon red bags with the word Dildos printed all over them. Kidding: they will be discreet. Don’t be shy. But if you are, don’t enter the drawing, silly. Boring technical questions can be directed to email@example.com.
I don’t know what’s worse, writer’s block or orgasm block. Be like reader Ram and shoot for neither. Ram willingly gave into my guilt-tripping plea for reader questions, reluctantly put down the crossword puzzle and started his quest for happily-ever-after orgasms. Read on:
I don’t write in to anywhere but you seemed to be trying to solicit responses, so here you go. I’ve been picking [the Valley Advocate] up for a while just to do the crossword in it. However, I read your article once and have to say I’m hooked. It’s now the first thing I read. Good, smart, honest writing.
So here is what you can address for me. I am a 60-year-old male. I’m married, love having sex and have no trouble with erections, but every year the orgasms get less and less intense. It’s probably all part of the aging process, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Any way to correct or slow down the orgasm-feeling decline? (I’m not ready to go back to getting high just to see if that will make it better. In my 20s the best orgasms ever were after smoking a joint).
Ram is hooked on the V-Spot like an amazingly orgasmic 20-year-old on drugs! The perfect blend of ego-stroking yours truly, an honest issue he wants fixed and a foray into mind-altering substances? If the free sex toys don’t inspire you to write in, then Ram certainly should.
But will this horny goat ever climb his way to the top of Orgasm Mountain again? Next week…